Shoot to March, lets say, around the 7th, when we were scheduled for our first ultrasound at 20 weeks. We were excited, since we'd only heard the heartbeat twice before, and a little nervous, since we'd heard some horror stories about the us techs, as well as since the pre-ultrasound pamphlet comes with big bold letters warning you not to even bother asking the sex of the baby, they don't do ultrasounds to tell you that sort of thing. Also, I really had to pee. Really really.
   My first tech was sweet. We had small talk, I asked her about her studies, she made comments on my baby being cute and jumping around all over the place, then after a while, she turned the screen back and got down to business. Or that's what I assumed, being my first time, I had no comparison, and I just thought I was distracting her, and that it felt like a long time because I really just had to pee. Then she left the room, twice, and came back to take more measurements. She had me get up, move around, and I asked if there was any problems getting the measurements. She said it was because of the way the baby was situated, she couldn't get a clear shot of the head, which I thought was a little funny since she said it was moving all around the whole time. She said her supervisor, who was great at getting tricky shots, would be in and take some more pics. That's when we met the cranky tech we'd been warned about.

    Meanwhile, poor Husband was out in the waiting room watching pregnant women come and go, one after the other. None of them seemed rushed, just happy as they left. He asked one of the people or techs if there were problems, where was I, should he go in yet? He was told ultrasounds take time, he needed to be patient. He respectfully pointed out that two other women who arrived after me had come and gone, and yes, he had been told that they were a tech short today. He was told he could take a seat, they'd come get him when he could go in. Around that time I think, they finally told me I could pee.

    A little while later, they let him come in, and we quietly ooh'd and aww'd where appropriate as she quickly did some more shots and measurements with a stern look of concentration on her face. We finished up, and she gave us the pictures, noting with a sour face that the previous tech had already printed out two, so we got three on the little strip of paper we would later pay 17$ for, rather than the two people normally got. Later, all I could think was how much I appreciated that small kindness the first tech did for us.

   Then I made the mistake of asking if everything looked all right, measurements were good, she got all the shots she needed. Then she got quiet, and defensive at the same time. Not overly so, but enough that it made me a little uneasy. She told us quickly yep, she got all the shots she needed, everythigng was ok. Asked again if we were sure of our dates. Told us that the information and pictures would analyzed by radiologists, who were the specialists, not her, the tech, it was just her job to take the pictures, then they would report back to my Obgyn. If there were any issues they saw, they'd be in touch with us. Boy, was that understating it.

   We left, paid too much for our little picture and went to grab some lunch and joke about the fact that it took so long, and all I wanted to do was pee. I still felt a little uneasy, but I couldn't put my finger on why. Mentioned that I should maybe call my internal medicine specialist to see if he'd gotten anything back from my round of blood tests just completed, and chalked it up to that.

I was right to be uneasy.

   About an hour later I was at work and got the call from my Dr.'s nurse, a very sweet lady. She was very upfront, and sounded very serious. I asked if there was a problem and she in an honest voice: yes. They had clearly seen an anomaly, there was no mistaking it. Our baby had Spina Bifida. We needed to get an appointment, come in and meet with the doctor to discuss the finding, and what our options where. We'd need to go to Halifax. Did I understand, did I know what Spina Bifida was? I replied that I was ok. No, I'm nervous. I don't know what Spina Bifida really is, but I've heard of it. It's a birth defect about the spine right? Yes. How bad is it? I can't tell you, you'll need to see a specialist.

    They made us an appointment for later that week, then quickly called back to say we could see them that afternoon. Um, yeah, that was a good call right there. Husband hadn't even made it home when I called him. I couldn't say anything to him on the phone other than come back, I need you to come get me. He did. I started freaking out, googling, worrying, panicking, calling my nurse friend, asking her what she knew, and crying. I went across the hall with my computer so they wouldn't see me cry. He got there and took me home, then we came back and discussed what was going to happen with my Doctor. She couldn't tell us much. Just that it was there, it was a serious thing, and might want to consider termination if it was an option for us. Told us we would be referred to specialists at the IWK. It was a bleak week. On top of all that, we had a wake to attend around milking, and we were going to miss a funeral. Of course, all kinds of extended family had landed at the farm with the news of the death, and everyone was very sad and stressed, especially my MIL. Give her all kinds of credit, my mom was great. Stellar and super supportive. Love her.

   I spent the next week working from home, worrying, researching, and not sleeping very much at all. The nurse had called back to give us our IWK appointment time, and I asked her to read me what the report said. She agreed to do so, but told me she couldn't explain anything, which I said was ok, I had just enough information to be wondering about key factors, and whether they were present or not. She told me everything she could, and that was the first bit of brightness that helped get me through. It wasn't as bad as all I had imagined. Yes, it was there, but now I knew that babies, kids, fully blown adults live and thrive with spina bifida. This might not be as black and white as it first seemed. It was a "spectrum" condition, with all kinds of variables. We still had a big ol pile of questions and unknowns, but we were worming our way through it.

   Next time I'll tell you about the IWK, and the next part of our little trip we call life.....