So how ya been?

Ok. Here it is. The big wrap up of the past couple of months. As you know, we had a baby. Alex. Hi Alex! Alex has Spina Bifida. Oh well, not much can be done about that, and that's a reality that we've become comfortable with. This fact is made much more digestible by how absolutely amazing Alex is. Legs kick. Feet flex. Toes wiggle. His brain and spinal cord is healthy, developing normally at this point, and will hopefully continue to do so. He's awesome. Yes, spending two and a half months in the hospital with two spinal surgeries, plenty of IV's and antibiotics, feeling unbelievably lonely and just alone (these are two very separate things I've learned), worried over C driving back and forth and not falling asleep and dying, etc: SUCKED. At the same time, I'm so very aware of how lucky we were to be able to have the IWK to go to, the amazing people who work there, and the support of my family and all back home who made it possible for us to actually survive this intact.


Really, truly, we're pretty damn lucky all around.

We had our first Spina Bifida Clinic in early October: what a loooong day. I'm glad I was able to convince those involved to go over the night before and spend the night at a hotel in order to make it for the next day. Plus I got to shop. Cause that's important. MRI, Ultrasound, X-ray, Uro-dynamics, Orthopedics, Neurosurgery...the list went on. Lots of consults, lots of tests. Lots of positives from the doctors reading the reports, one or two things to keep an eye on, and overall not too much to worry about. Still on the bright side, they don't want to see us for 6 months!! Usually I'm pretty sure it's an every 3 months for the first year +, then they slow down a bit. Yay for us!

So; while a little bit of reflux to his left kidney is something we'll need to take a low dose antibiotics for, we're doing very well.



We laugh
We smile
We sing
We get licked by the dog
We wail
We scream
We get woken up by the chicks that ridiculous me decided to try and save so they live in the house.




I realize that's something I have to work on. I'm working on it, really!

Not forgotten, just really really busy...

Apparently having a three month old will do that to you.

Seriously though, would you rather be looking at that face, or sitting in front of a computer. Even if he's kicking you in the arm so hard he leaves bruises...

9 days later...

    And we're still in the hospital. Alexanders' surgery went well, and the new incision line looks even neater and tidier than the last one! Unfortunately we're still here since he's sprung another leak. Maybe he'll become a plumber someday, fix his own leaks. Ha! I'm funny! Not so much? You'll have to forgive me, I've been in the hospital a lot lately. I know others have been here longer, but man. I don't get out much.

    Blood tests indicated that Alex had some inflammation and elevated white blood cell counts, so that indicated some infection, which Dr. W was able to find and clean up when he went in for surgery, right along his suture line internally. Not unheard of, and as the Dr. liked to say, it's not a step backwards, it's just a hiccup. The cultures that they took and grew in the lab indicated two different organisms were present, one was an e-coli (not surprising considering where the surgical site is) and the other was a ubiquitous skin bacteria, so they put him on two different iv antibiotics. Yay, another head iv! Good lord, how I hate IV's. I hate them on me, I hate them on him, I hate them in general. They obviously have their benefits, and he really needed those antibiotics to get in there and do their job, but they suck.

    Every time he gets a new one, in a different spot, I leave the room and let Charles take care of it. Call me chicken if you'd like, but I can't stand watching someone (however good and sweet they are, and they all are here) shave a bald spot on his already patchy head, poke and prod him, and stick another needle in him while he's screaming. Or tie off his tiny little arm in an effort to get it in his hand, or his foot. Now, to be honest, he's screaming because they're holding him down and not cuddling him, not because they're really hurting him. But I can't watch it. I can't watch when they put one in me either. There's just nothing I can do for him. Then he's tethered to a beeping machine that keeps sounding off alarms, tubes that twist and kink, and don't get me started on the constant vigilance required to keep little fingers from finding a loop in that tubing and pulling it out all on his own. He's very hard to maneuver and cuddle with all the cables as well.

   That being said, he's been off the iv for two days now! which makes my life sooooo much easier. It would only be easier if they'd send us home! Ha! Anyone? No? Okay.

Home again, then back again, jiggity jig.

It was great to get home, but Sunday evening we notice that Alexanders incision had started to leak a little bit, so back to the hospital we went, to the QEH this time. It was fine, and not unexpected, but man, it was really the last thing I wanted to see. I'm so glad that Charles was there when I changed that diaper. I had a small freak out, but he kept me under control, and we got shit together and off we went. They took us in VERY quickly (it will never happen again, and they had a full ER waiting room, pretty sure everyone there hated us) they admitted us, then they restarted his antibiotics. We stayed for two days in the Pediatrics ward, and they sent us over to IWK again in the ambulance. My first ambulance ride ever, but thankfully not very eventful, just long and more precautionary than anything else. 

So! That's where we are now, we're scheduled for more surgery today to see if the Doctor can fix the leak, and hopefully it will all go as well as the first one. If all goes well, hopefully we'll be heading home again in a week after recovery and more antibiotics. It's been a really long two weeks so far, but we're still doing well all things considered, and keeping spirits up. The staff here is wonderful and so good to us.

Progress, and out of the NICU!

The day after he was born, less than 24 hrs later, Alexander had his surgery as scheduled after having an MRI, and both went well! His Doctors were all very pleased with him. The myelomeningocele repair surgery went as best as can be hoped for, and we then spent some time in the NICU at the IWK for all his antibiotics and follow ups, then we transitioned into pediatrics care for observation and to let us get the chance to learn how to care for him and get settled with him. 

Chillin in his NICU bassinet. This sweet ride had wheels, a cabinet underneath to store all his diaper accouterments in, and the bed actually slid over to open up space to change diapers on the top beneath it. Unfortunately, it doesn't go home with him.

 His range of motion is really great. Feet and legs are kicking, he has almost normal muscle tone (we might have some work on the lower calve muscles down the road, whatev) and he wiggles his toes all on his own. We're so lucky, I don't know how it's possible, but we're so pleased and thanking our lucky stars; there's no signs of hydrocephalus, he's going to the bathroom just fine on his own (and often), and they sent us home last Friday.

Because it's cold, all men require toques. His is just a little soft. And little. And white. You know how I feel about white.

Happy Birthday Alexander Patrick MacKenzie!!!

We finally had Alexander on Wednesday, July 27th at 10:49pm after 4 days of induction! He just felt like taking his time making his entrance I guess. He was just over 19 inches long, 7 lbs 15 oz, toes wiggling, feet kicking, and pretty darn noisy right from the get go! He's wonderful, and I'm totally in love with him.

4 days of preparation, 17 minutes of pushing. When I get down to business, I don't waste time. Also, epidurals were a wonderful addition to my life.

Gonna end up getting dragged out kicking and screaming.

So yeah. That last post was an angry one. I'm over it. I got everything finished up that I wanted to get finished up, got it all as organized as I could, and I've let it go. Walked away! That was a nice feeling, although I still sometimes want to just check in and see how it's all holding together, because I'm worried that it's not, and that things are getting missed, and it would be really nice to get my ROE so I can claim EI, but STOP! I need to focus on more important things! We're here at the IWK hospital, we've been here for a full 10 days, and they're taking pretty good care of me, and I don't have to worry about going into false labor and rushing into the hospital and having them tell me it's false and to go home. I'm already here, they can't kick me out! Ha! Really, there haven't been any changes at all. Well, other than the plan.

The Plan:

Original plan: scheduled c-section, Friday July 22nd, followed by babies surgery, and recovery.

Plan two: Who needs a c-section? Not you if you don't want it! Ok, we'll just induce you instead on the 22nd, and if everything goes ok, you can have him naturally, and depending on your platelets, maybe you'll even have the options of pain meds!

Plan three: Oh yeah, everyone goes home on the weekends, that means we'd have to call someone in on a Saturday or Sunday if you don't deliver right away, and so-and-so is on vacation, that's right! Ok, lets move induction to Sunday, then hopefully you'll deliver on Monday or something like that. Remember: Every day the baby bakes in there is a bonus!

Plan four: Hmm, your blood pressure has crept up to the low range of the high category, lets look into reasons for that, if such-and-such are showing up in your results, we'll induce sooner, and that'll take away the extra risks. So maybe sooner rather than later!

Plan five: Nah, maybe we're not so concerned. We'll switch to using a different piece of equipment that gives a lower bp reading, and just keep an eye on it. And bed rest for you. That'll keep your pressure down. Sunday it is!

I'm totally commiserating with largely pregnant women who have the advantage of medical services across the world. I know why they often get the rep of being "crazy pregnant woman". It's because they're driven crazy by the people surrounding them. They can tell enough to monitor every little flux, catch every little flutter, and therefore take every little precaution. I'm grateful for it all, I really am, but man, no wonder blood pressure goes up!!! Far too many things to now worry about. I'm very happy that my risk of dying in childbirth is significantly decreased from like the 1800's, it just seems a bit needlessly stressful.

I'll be honest, this isn't a ride I've enjoyed. Some women do, others don't, I guess I'll fall squarely in the latter category. It's not been comfortable, it's been stressful, there was the whole risk of spontaneous unstoppable bleeding,  I don't think my pelvis will ever stop aching, I miss my husband and my animals terribly and I'm wondering if my feet will ever look like my feet again. But he's worth it. Of course he is. So will that beer be I'm going to have when I get back home*. You know, in between feedings.

*(Yes, I fully feel that the baby is better than beer. But I've had beer before, and it's quite nice. I've never had a baby.)