And we're still in the hospital. Alexanders' surgery went well, and the new incision line looks even neater and tidier than the last one! Unfortunately we're still here since he's sprung another leak. Maybe he'll become a plumber someday, fix his own leaks. Ha! I'm funny! Not so much? You'll have to forgive me, I've been in the hospital a lot lately. I know others have been here longer, but man. I don't get out much.
Blood tests indicated that Alex had some inflammation and elevated white blood cell counts, so that indicated some infection, which Dr. W was able to find and clean up when he went in for surgery, right along his suture line internally. Not unheard of, and as the Dr. liked to say, it's not a step backwards, it's just a hiccup. The cultures that they took and grew in the lab indicated two different organisms were present, one was an e-coli (not surprising considering where the surgical site is) and the other was a ubiquitous skin bacteria, so they put him on two different iv antibiotics. Yay, another head iv! Good lord, how I hate IV's. I hate them on me, I hate them on him, I hate them in general. They obviously have their benefits, and he really needed those antibiotics to get in there and do their job, but they suck.
Every time he gets a new one, in a different spot, I leave the room and let Charles take care of it. Call me chicken if you'd like, but I can't stand watching someone (however good and sweet they are, and they all are here) shave a bald spot on his already patchy head, poke and prod him, and stick another needle in him while he's screaming. Or tie off his tiny little arm in an effort to get it in his hand, or his foot. Now, to be honest, he's screaming because they're holding him down and not cuddling him, not because they're really hurting him. But I can't watch it. I can't watch when they put one in me either. There's just nothing I can do for him. Then he's tethered to a beeping machine that keeps sounding off alarms, tubes that twist and kink, and don't get me started on the constant vigilance required to keep little fingers from finding a loop in that tubing and pulling it out all on his own. He's very hard to maneuver and cuddle with all the cables as well.
That being said, he's been off the iv for two days now! which makes my life sooooo much easier. It would only be easier if they'd send us home! Ha! Anyone? No? Okay.
Saturday, August 20, 2011
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Home again, then back again, jiggity jig.
It was great to get home, but Sunday evening we notice that Alexanders incision had started to leak a little bit, so back to the hospital we went, to the QEH this time. It was fine, and not unexpected, but man, it was really the last thing I wanted to see. I'm so glad that Charles was there when I changed that diaper. I had a small freak out, but he kept me under control, and we got shit together and off we went. They took us in VERY quickly (it will never happen again, and they had a full ER waiting room, pretty sure everyone there hated us) they admitted us, then they restarted his antibiotics. We stayed for two days in the Pediatrics ward, and they sent us over to IWK again in the ambulance. My first ambulance ride ever, but thankfully not very eventful, just long and more precautionary than anything else.
So! That's where we are now, we're scheduled for more surgery today to see if the Doctor can fix the leak, and hopefully it will all go as well as the first one. If all goes well, hopefully we'll be heading home again in a week after recovery and more antibiotics. It's been a really long two weeks so far, but we're still doing well all things considered, and keeping spirits up. The staff here is wonderful and so good to us.
Saturday, August 6, 2011
Progress, and out of the NICU!
The day after he was born, less than 24 hrs later, Alexander had his surgery as scheduled after having an MRI, and both went well! His Doctors were all very pleased with him. The myelomeningocele repair surgery went as best as can be hoped for, and we then spent some time in the NICU at the IWK for all his antibiotics and follow ups, then we transitioned into pediatrics care for observation and to let us get the chance to learn how to care for him and get settled with him.
His range of motion is really great. Feet and legs are kicking, he has almost normal muscle tone (we might have some work on the lower calve muscles down the road, whatev) and he wiggles his toes all on his own. We're so lucky, I don't know how it's possible, but we're so pleased and thanking our lucky stars; there's no signs of hydrocephalus, he's going to the bathroom just fine on his own (and often), and they sent us home last Friday.
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| Chillin in his NICU bassinet. This sweet ride had wheels, a cabinet underneath to store all his diaper accouterments in, and the bed actually slid over to open up space to change diapers on the top beneath it. Unfortunately, it doesn't go home with him. |
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| Because it's cold, all men require toques. His is just a little soft. And little. And white. You know how I feel about white. |
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Happy Birthday Alexander Patrick MacKenzie!!!
We finally had Alexander on Wednesday, July 27th at 10:49pm after 4 days of induction! He just felt like taking his time making his entrance I guess. He was just over 19 inches long, 7 lbs 15 oz, toes wiggling, feet kicking, and pretty darn noisy right from the get go! He's wonderful, and I'm totally in love with him.
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| 4 days of preparation, 17 minutes of pushing. When I get down to business, I don't waste time. Also, epidurals were a wonderful addition to my life. |
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Gonna end up getting dragged out kicking and screaming.
So yeah. That last post was an angry one. I'm over it. I got everything finished up that I wanted to get finished up, got it all as organized as I could, and I've let it go. Walked away! That was a nice feeling, although I still sometimes want to just check in and see how it's all holding together, because I'm worried that it's not, and that things are getting missed, and it would be really nice to get my ROE so I can claim EI, but STOP! I need to focus on more important things! We're here at the IWK hospital, we've been here for a full 10 days, and they're taking pretty good care of me, and I don't have to worry about going into false labor and rushing into the hospital and having them tell me it's false and to go home. I'm already here, they can't kick me out! Ha! Really, there haven't been any changes at all. Well, other than the plan.
The Plan:
Original plan: scheduled c-section, Friday July 22nd, followed by babies surgery, and recovery.
Plan two: Who needs a c-section? Not you if you don't want it! Ok, we'll just induce you instead on the 22nd, and if everything goes ok, you can have him naturally, and depending on your platelets, maybe you'll even have the options of pain meds!
Plan three: Oh yeah, everyone goes home on the weekends, that means we'd have to call someone in on a Saturday or Sunday if you don't deliver right away, and so-and-so is on vacation, that's right! Ok, lets move induction to Sunday, then hopefully you'll deliver on Monday or something like that. Remember: Every day the baby bakes in there is a bonus!
Plan four: Hmm, your blood pressure has crept up to the low range of the high category, lets look into reasons for that, if such-and-such are showing up in your results, we'll induce sooner, and that'll take away the extra risks. So maybe sooner rather than later!
Plan five: Nah, maybe we're not so concerned. We'll switch to using a different piece of equipment that gives a lower bp reading, and just keep an eye on it. And bed rest for you. That'll keep your pressure down. Sunday it is!
I'm totally commiserating with largely pregnant women who have the advantage of medical services across the world. I know why they often get the rep of being "crazy pregnant woman". It's because they're driven crazy by the people surrounding them. They can tell enough to monitor every little flux, catch every little flutter, and therefore take every little precaution. I'm grateful for it all, I really am, but man, no wonder blood pressure goes up!!! Far too many things to now worry about. I'm very happy that my risk of dying in childbirth is significantly decreased from like the 1800's, it just seems a bit needlessly stressful.
I'll be honest, this isn't a ride I've enjoyed. Some women do, others don't, I guess I'll fall squarely in the latter category. It's not been comfortable, it's been stressful, there was the whole risk of spontaneous unstoppable bleeding, I don't think my pelvis will ever stop aching, I miss my husband and my animals terribly and I'm wondering if my feet will ever look like my feet again. But he's worth it. Of course he is. So will that beer be I'm going to have when I get back home*. You know, in between feedings.
*(Yes, I fully feel that the baby is better than beer. But I've had beer before, and it's quite nice. I've never had a baby.)
The Plan:
Original plan: scheduled c-section, Friday July 22nd, followed by babies surgery, and recovery.
Plan two: Who needs a c-section? Not you if you don't want it! Ok, we'll just induce you instead on the 22nd, and if everything goes ok, you can have him naturally, and depending on your platelets, maybe you'll even have the options of pain meds!
Plan three: Oh yeah, everyone goes home on the weekends, that means we'd have to call someone in on a Saturday or Sunday if you don't deliver right away, and so-and-so is on vacation, that's right! Ok, lets move induction to Sunday, then hopefully you'll deliver on Monday or something like that. Remember: Every day the baby bakes in there is a bonus!
Plan four: Hmm, your blood pressure has crept up to the low range of the high category, lets look into reasons for that, if such-and-such are showing up in your results, we'll induce sooner, and that'll take away the extra risks. So maybe sooner rather than later!
Plan five: Nah, maybe we're not so concerned. We'll switch to using a different piece of equipment that gives a lower bp reading, and just keep an eye on it. And bed rest for you. That'll keep your pressure down. Sunday it is!
I'm totally commiserating with largely pregnant women who have the advantage of medical services across the world. I know why they often get the rep of being "crazy pregnant woman". It's because they're driven crazy by the people surrounding them. They can tell enough to monitor every little flux, catch every little flutter, and therefore take every little precaution. I'm grateful for it all, I really am, but man, no wonder blood pressure goes up!!! Far too many things to now worry about. I'm very happy that my risk of dying in childbirth is significantly decreased from like the 1800's, it just seems a bit needlessly stressful.
I'll be honest, this isn't a ride I've enjoyed. Some women do, others don't, I guess I'll fall squarely in the latter category. It's not been comfortable, it's been stressful, there was the whole risk of spontaneous unstoppable bleeding, I don't think my pelvis will ever stop aching, I miss my husband and my animals terribly and I'm wondering if my feet will ever look like my feet again. But he's worth it. Of course he is. So will that beer be I'm going to have when I get back home*. You know, in between feedings.
*(Yes, I fully feel that the baby is better than beer. But I've had beer before, and it's quite nice. I've never had a baby.)
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Ok, so that one was a little bit harder than I was expecting it to be....
So there isn't really anything here that constitutes a Lamaze class, but there are pre-natal classes put on by PEI public health. We went to the first one, Husband and I, but skipped out on the second one since it was the day after we'd had the diagnosis of sb for the baby. No need to explain why I didn't really want to attend that class right?
Anyway, last night was the breastfeeding class. Since I intend to do whatever I can humanly do to exercise this natural ability for all the benefits it totes, as well as my guilt trip for the pregnancy not ending in me pushing him out in what would no doubt be the Most Painful Experience Of My Life, I planned on attending and learning what I could. Husband offered to try and find out if his B-in-L would be able to help his dad milk, but really, it was going to be a hassle, so I decided that I could take this one on my own.
I shouldn't have. I should have known better.
The instructor was nice. She seemed very sweet, with the best of intentions, and genuinely pleased to be sharing the teaching material with us. She talked about all the benefits to breastfeeding, how rewarding it would be, and the importance of skin to skin contact and immediately offering the breast to the baby. How that was super important, shouldn't be missed, and all the reasons why. Why you shouldn't even consider pumping for the first 4-6 weeks, because it would be detrimental to your efforts and cause nipple confusion. I chose not to speak up and ask questions about c-sections or special births, I didn't want to open that part of my impending delivery up to a room full of strangers. There was a brief mention of c-sections, and that you could still breastfeed if you have one. I did ask other questions when she talked about how to prevent discomfort or issues that are somewhat common with breast feeding. I'm a worst case scenario person by nature, and really, with this pregnancy, I'm planning for the worst and hoping for the best. But still, I'd like to know how to deal with the worst, cause it's likely to happen, and I like being prepared or at least informed. I don't think she liked my questions, which I'll admit were on the pessimistic side, but she did her best to answer them, following up with a "but that doesn't normally happen, and if you have any trouble at all, call us. We'll come out and give you a hand." Lady, try telling that to my herd of dairy cows. They'll tell you all about how often those problems come up.
I'm not sure what the worst part of the class was that set me off so badly. Possibly the re-awakening of the realization that there were a lot of firsts and experiences that we won't get to have, or at least not in the normal sense. It could have been the patronizing overtones, especially the ones used in the video out of the 80's we got to watch. If someone comes into my home and talks to me in a placating and judgmental tone about taking care of my child like I'm a 5 year old who needs to be reminded to take care of her dolly, there might be violence. Like my foot meeting someones butt on their way out my front door violence. I don't know much about child rearing, this is a new experience for me. That means I want to experience it, and learn some of it on my own. I don't need everyone under the sun's advice on how to do this and that, my situation isn't the same as theirs, guaranteed. I understand that public health is supposed to be there to offer assistance, protection, and advice, but I've never responded terribly well to criticism, or people who feel they know far more than I ever will about everything, and that I'm an idiot before I get the chance to prove it to them or not. It just gets my hackles up. Possibly stems from my current feeling on certain members of our health care system, or the fact that I know wonderful mothers who have been told that their child isn't "thriving" according to their standards, and made to feel guilty and like awful mothers. They're not; they're inspirations.
Anyway. I managed to keep it together for the rest of the class until I got in the car and out of the parking lot, then leaked tears the whole way home before having a mini-meltdown in my kitchen while doing dishes. Poor Husband felt terrible when he came in after milking, and entirely guilty that he hadn't come, no matter how much I told him it was my fault, I had told him he didn't need to attend. He worries about me because I'm "fragile" which I feel anything but. I may not feel like a pillar of concrete, but even if I do get some cracks, I don't think I'll shatter.
Anyway, last night was the breastfeeding class. Since I intend to do whatever I can humanly do to exercise this natural ability for all the benefits it totes, as well as my guilt trip for the pregnancy not ending in me pushing him out in what would no doubt be the Most Painful Experience Of My Life, I planned on attending and learning what I could. Husband offered to try and find out if his B-in-L would be able to help his dad milk, but really, it was going to be a hassle, so I decided that I could take this one on my own.
I shouldn't have. I should have known better.
The instructor was nice. She seemed very sweet, with the best of intentions, and genuinely pleased to be sharing the teaching material with us. She talked about all the benefits to breastfeeding, how rewarding it would be, and the importance of skin to skin contact and immediately offering the breast to the baby. How that was super important, shouldn't be missed, and all the reasons why. Why you shouldn't even consider pumping for the first 4-6 weeks, because it would be detrimental to your efforts and cause nipple confusion. I chose not to speak up and ask questions about c-sections or special births, I didn't want to open that part of my impending delivery up to a room full of strangers. There was a brief mention of c-sections, and that you could still breastfeed if you have one. I did ask other questions when she talked about how to prevent discomfort or issues that are somewhat common with breast feeding. I'm a worst case scenario person by nature, and really, with this pregnancy, I'm planning for the worst and hoping for the best. But still, I'd like to know how to deal with the worst, cause it's likely to happen, and I like being prepared or at least informed. I don't think she liked my questions, which I'll admit were on the pessimistic side, but she did her best to answer them, following up with a "but that doesn't normally happen, and if you have any trouble at all, call us. We'll come out and give you a hand." Lady, try telling that to my herd of dairy cows. They'll tell you all about how often those problems come up.
I'm not sure what the worst part of the class was that set me off so badly. Possibly the re-awakening of the realization that there were a lot of firsts and experiences that we won't get to have, or at least not in the normal sense. It could have been the patronizing overtones, especially the ones used in the video out of the 80's we got to watch. If someone comes into my home and talks to me in a placating and judgmental tone about taking care of my child like I'm a 5 year old who needs to be reminded to take care of her dolly, there might be violence. Like my foot meeting someones butt on their way out my front door violence. I don't know much about child rearing, this is a new experience for me. That means I want to experience it, and learn some of it on my own. I don't need everyone under the sun's advice on how to do this and that, my situation isn't the same as theirs, guaranteed. I understand that public health is supposed to be there to offer assistance, protection, and advice, but I've never responded terribly well to criticism, or people who feel they know far more than I ever will about everything, and that I'm an idiot before I get the chance to prove it to them or not. It just gets my hackles up. Possibly stems from my current feeling on certain members of our health care system, or the fact that I know wonderful mothers who have been told that their child isn't "thriving" according to their standards, and made to feel guilty and like awful mothers. They're not; they're inspirations.
Anyway. I managed to keep it together for the rest of the class until I got in the car and out of the parking lot, then leaked tears the whole way home before having a mini-meltdown in my kitchen while doing dishes. Poor Husband felt terrible when he came in after milking, and entirely guilty that he hadn't come, no matter how much I told him it was my fault, I had told him he didn't need to attend. He worries about me because I'm "fragile" which I feel anything but. I may not feel like a pillar of concrete, but even if I do get some cracks, I don't think I'll shatter.
Thursday, May 12, 2011
First Visit to IWK (excerpt from a note to a friend, I'm sorry, I just don't have it in me anymore to go through it fresh again)
Friday, after we had received the news from the QEH on Monday that there were abnormalities from the ultrasound and that we needed consultation at IWK, we went over. We didn't know what to expect, what was going to happen, or how it was going to play out, and we packed to stay for a couple of days, because, worse case scenario was that it wasn't going to be a pleasant visit, and we were going to need to stay for longer than just a consult.
The appointment went as well as could be expected, the doctors and specialists treated us so much better than they did here, and were so informative and caring. What a difference it all made! When we were going in, I made it clear that my Husband would be going in with me, and I asked politely if she'd be able to tell us the sex, which I had to explain to her was a big no-no in PEI. She just smiled, shook her head at backwards PEI healthcare, and said it wouldn't be a problem. She was so good, knowledgeable, and comforting. She told us she used to catch babies before she got too old for it, but still wanted to work with them, so she became an ultrasound specialist. She was a specialist, and the Dr. who came in to do the diagnosis was a specialist, and the other Dr. who came in to just watch, chat, and tell us what part he would play was a specialist too. They confirmed the diagnosis of Spina Bifida and where it is on the spinal column (very very low), and talked to us about what it means for the baby, and what expectations we can have for him (him!).
I cried when the nurse/ultrasound specialist told us. I was expecting a girl, I don't know why, and this threw me for a loop. A happy loop! The initial prognosis is good! He should be able to walk fairly normally, possibly with ankle braces if he needs them, and may have the need for a shunt, which is very common with this condition (and apparently many others as well). I have a niece already with a shunt, and she's just fine, so we're not too scared about that. There may be some other nerve control issues, but it's pretty hard to predict, and they'll be things that can be managed. His brain looks normal at this point, and his heart is absolutely average, so those are great signs. Because he'll need surgery so soon after birth to re-close the nerves, it's likely that I'll have to go over there to deliver, and then spend extra time after for recovery (about 15 days) but honestly, I'm starting to be really glad about that too. I'm quickly developing a bias against PEI's hospital, I'm sorry to say, but it's deserved.
To end off the day, the doctor chased us on our way out the hospital, he'd gotten hold of another dr. who'd been in surgery, but was out and willing to talk to us. So! We also got to see the neo-natal neurosurgeon, who made time to see us as soon as he got out of surgery, and he's one of the sweetest doctors I've ever met. I know we'll be in good hands there. He talked to us for nearly 2 hours, answered all the questions he could, and gave us educated responses on the things that just can't be answered. We'll be back in a month to check back with them again.
The appointment went as well as could be expected, the doctors and specialists treated us so much better than they did here, and were so informative and caring. What a difference it all made! When we were going in, I made it clear that my Husband would be going in with me, and I asked politely if she'd be able to tell us the sex, which I had to explain to her was a big no-no in PEI. She just smiled, shook her head at backwards PEI healthcare, and said it wouldn't be a problem. She was so good, knowledgeable, and comforting. She told us she used to catch babies before she got too old for it, but still wanted to work with them, so she became an ultrasound specialist. She was a specialist, and the Dr. who came in to do the diagnosis was a specialist, and the other Dr. who came in to just watch, chat, and tell us what part he would play was a specialist too. They confirmed the diagnosis of Spina Bifida and where it is on the spinal column (very very low), and talked to us about what it means for the baby, and what expectations we can have for him (him!).
I cried when the nurse/ultrasound specialist told us. I was expecting a girl, I don't know why, and this threw me for a loop. A happy loop! The initial prognosis is good! He should be able to walk fairly normally, possibly with ankle braces if he needs them, and may have the need for a shunt, which is very common with this condition (and apparently many others as well). I have a niece already with a shunt, and she's just fine, so we're not too scared about that. There may be some other nerve control issues, but it's pretty hard to predict, and they'll be things that can be managed. His brain looks normal at this point, and his heart is absolutely average, so those are great signs. Because he'll need surgery so soon after birth to re-close the nerves, it's likely that I'll have to go over there to deliver, and then spend extra time after for recovery (about 15 days) but honestly, I'm starting to be really glad about that too. I'm quickly developing a bias against PEI's hospital, I'm sorry to say, but it's deserved.
To end off the day, the doctor chased us on our way out the hospital, he'd gotten hold of another dr. who'd been in surgery, but was out and willing to talk to us. So! We also got to see the neo-natal neurosurgeon, who made time to see us as soon as he got out of surgery, and he's one of the sweetest doctors I've ever met. I know we'll be in good hands there. He talked to us for nearly 2 hours, answered all the questions he could, and gave us educated responses on the things that just can't be answered. We'll be back in a month to check back with them again.
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